Tag: speak the truth

Some People are just Too Damn Ugly

They are. And I don’t mean that in a metaphorical way. They plainly are just too ugly to watch. You could damage your eyes looking at them. Let alone that you want to touch them.

If they accidentally brush your bare arm, your first reaction will be to rub that horrible, undesirable contact right off. You behave like they are covered in Liquid Ass, or something, as if the stench of an ugly person will follow you wherever you go.

They cannot help it, of course, and we should abide them with all the kindness of our hearts, but we don’t, as we find it simply too challenging to actually like ugly people. We admire beauty. As shallow as it may seem, we think beauty is a character attribute, just as we secretly think ugliness is a flaw in the personality of people.

But ugly people are just as prejudiced. Most of them think of themselves as being nice-looking, or at least more beautiful than the average person. We all think we are on or above average with regards to almost everything. We see ourselves as more clever than others, more attractive, more stylish, we have better taste, more friends, a better career…

Of course this is bullshit. Since there is an ‘average’, most of us are below it, and it’s the extremely beautiful and the greatly intelligent that are instituting the higher average, that we all dream to be on or rather above of.

So, we worship beautiful people. It’s hardwired into us that being good-looking is the most important part of our identity. People might say that looks don’t matter, but in the real world good looks define how we assess people.

We think beautiful people are more clever, more talented, more trustworthy, albeit that statistics tell us they actually are not more honorable or reliable. In fact, most people are beautiful on the outside, but not on the inside. It’s like something chemically changed their brain, causing them to be arrogant and narcissistic. But that doesn’t stop us from being fond of them and having faith in them. Gorgeous people can literally get away with anything, just because they are dazzling to the eye.

As much as we love beautiful people, we hate ugly people more. It is a society structure. From the time when we are children we are explained that we should see ‘beautiful thin people’ as our role models. Ugly people, on the other hand, are habitually portrayed as embarrassing to us, and so we learn that they are better to be avoided.

Although magazines, movies, and commercials present a flashing image of what we should look like, the simple fact is that most of us don’t. That is why we seek for aesthetically pleasing partners, even if they are rotten to the core. We like feeling superior to others, and the less we have to do in order to feel superior, the better we feel.

If we surround ourselves with beautiful people, we feel like we become more beautiful ourselves, thus adding the impression of beauty to our own persona, and – as a result – the more empowered we appear and the more confident we will go through life.

That’s why unattractive people are being ignored. That is why celebrities, actors, performers are not only evaluated by what they accomplish but are mainly idolized by how they look. This is how society operates, and when we don’t comply to this ‘beauty rule’, no matter how beautiful we are ourselves, we will also be seen as ugly, or at least as stupid.

For the most part there is no problem with being beautiful or with admiring beauty. Still, saying that someone is the most beautiful person may be a compliment, but with all the perfectionistic body and facial type definitions in modern society, these compliments can cause self-loathing in people who do not have those perfect features.

The more we develop our personality and accept who we are as people, and the less we depend on our physical appearance, the more authentic we will become. It is evident that it is not just external beauty what makes someone beautiful. To be good-looking might be enjoyable, but it doesn’t show a lot when you’re not a kind person. If we could expand our view on beauty a little, and concentrated more on our inner features, we would be able to call someone attractive for things that actually matter, and for something that doesn’t have an expiration date.

DLK

© 2017 – David Lee Kollberg

Want to be alone? Tell people the truth.

In our hearts we all care too much about offending people. We don’t speak the truth, ever, for fear of pushing people away.

So we hide our satirical hearts under a shell of thoughtless niceness. We put up a façade and water down our sentiments, sugarcoat our ideas, and weaken our standpoints. We talk about people as if they are gifted, and witty, and lovely, in the hope that we might fit in, that people will like us, that a company will hire us and give us that big fat paycheck.

Everybody does it, by the way. Yes, you do it too. You’re not the bohemian you think you are. And, by the way, hippies do it as well. They are not better than us. Just look at Steve Jobs. He was basically an asshole who blatantly lied to us, so he could entice us into buying his fancy phones we don’t need, so we’d be seen as ‘cool’ by people we don’t even care about.

When people say they don’t lie, they are lying. We all follow our social contracts, whether we want to admit it, or not. You tell me I’m clever, I tell you you’re charming and amusing. If I secretly think you are a hypocrite, I will tell you that you are ‘diplomatic’. We develop our people pleasing talents to avoid conflict. That’s how we manage to get along. That’s how pathetic we are.

But that is not the only reason we lie. We need to deceive ourselves a little, just as much as we want to mislead others about how we truly are. We in fact want to come across as ‘nice’. We know what the alternative is, and nobody choses to openly be an asshole or a bitch.

Being impertinent could render us to become very lonely. So, we are polite to people, as that is how we secretly want them to treat us. We are wimps, and we’d better accept it. We would do everything not to be lonely. We cannot say what we think, as loneliness could be our punishment.

Think about your lies. I mean, your life. What does it amount to? Are you cautious with offending people? Have you been able to lie enough to yourself, to make yourself believe that all is going well? That you love your family, that you love your friends? That you love your job, even?

You hate your job. Admit it. You might even hate your family, albeit that this will be harder for you to admit.

We work hard to not tell the truth, or to keep our mouths shut, because we don’t want to drive away everyone who might care for us. That is because we have this delusion that there is anyone out there that truly appreciates us. It is just a survival instinct, because we can’t deal with the idea that there is nobody in the whole wide world who gives a damn about us. I will recap for the slow people: there is nobody out there that gives a shit about you. Better learn to accept it.

We want people to tell us that ‘all is going to be fine’, when things look gloomy. We actually want to be lied to, because the truth disheartens us and a lie is more comforting. These platitudes are killing us. But we want to be killed. Everything is better than being alive and knowing the truth.

That is why we rather have people say “Have a nice day!”, while they don’t actually care, than them being sincere, and look right through us.

The funny thing is that it becomes a knee-jerk reaction. As kids we often tell the truth, calling other children ugly, or stupid, or uncool. Soon we start to notice that this is not taken very well by the one that we say it to. So slowly – ever so slowly – most of us ‘adapt’ and after a while we acquire the skill to say what we want to say in a more subtle way. We fake our entire adult lives, as natural born liars.

That said, I believe we should try to find some balance in the tactfulness. In my experience people do not like it very much, when you treat them like they’re stupid. Basically that is what lying to people is; you deem the person you tell stories to, to be stupid enough to get away with whatever dishonesty you throw at them.

But how can we stop it? How are we going to put an end to this habit of politeness? It has become an inbuilt feature to lie to everyone and to invite others to lie to us. We so much hate the truth, that we have replaced harsh realities with comforting white lies.

Still, would you not expect that in a grown-up society we can be more honest to one another? That we should not need to sweet-talk people, just to get things done or to get some positive attention?

That doesn’t mean that we actively have to strive to offend people. It just means that we should be able to be sincere, to speak the truth, without having to apologize all the time.

Not trying to please everyone should not be seen as a crime against humanity. It should be seen as the greatest compliment, actually.

Because since I’m being sincere and outspoken towards you, it means I respect you and validate your intelligence.

Simple as that.

DLK

© 2017 – David Lee Kollberg