Why Don’t You Smile More?

I don’t smile. My face doesn’t fall into a natural cheerful position all the time. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I do smile, on occasion, but it is not my standard look.

Some people walk around with a tight serial killer smile plastered on their face, throughout every social encounter of the day. Not me. I hate how people smile all the time. It doesn’t matter if they dislike the situation they are in or how much they hate the people they meet, they keep on smiling.

The need to constantly act as if everything is fine, to pretend as if you love the whole shebang of all what’s going on in your life, only shows how you are completely incapable of interacting with people in a sincere and natural way. You hide behind your smile, but the truth is that it is not a good hiding place.

Science tells us that smiling can make people think you’re unintelligent. Of course that kind of data cannot be read from your smile directly, but either way our subconscious convinces us that smiling people aren’t “very smart”. In other words, you come across as stupid when you smile.

Give me a smile!

I can’t stand people who smile all the time. The ever-present smile annoys me, because it takes away the power of a person’s genuine smile. When someone smiles while riding the bus, or walking the isle of a grocery store, or taking a morning dump with a stupid grin on their face, they annoy the shit out of me.

And please don’t tell me how maybe these people are just generally happy and they might have very good reasons to be smiling all the time. That’s bullshit. No one’s life is that fantastic.

I despise these brainless grinning people. What’s more, I could never take someone seriously who doesn’t give the impression they’ve gone through some kind of emotional pain. If you smile all the time, you might as well be dead to me.

I’m quite happy to have an RBF. My RBF – Resting Bitch Face – is a fixed facial expression which makes me seem to be angry, pissed off, irritated or disapproving of someone. This chronic zoned out face of mine suggests that I’m in a constant state of bitchiness and that I’m uninterested, depressed or angry. That is in part because I am uninterested, of course, but I’m also quite a happy guy. I just don’t walk around smiling all the time.

Whether I’m mad, ecstatic, depressed or excited, to the naked eye my facial expression will be very similar. People feel criticized and humiliated by my contemptuous face, but that isn’t a negative thing to me. When they look into my condescending eyes, it creates a feeling of insecurity in them. I like to be able to do that to people. It’s like having a superpower, or something.

My RBF helps me living my life the way I want to. Most people will go out of their way to avoid me or to prevent starting a conversation with me. Since I’m kind of misanthropic, this suits me very well.

It’s also never a problem for me to be taken seriously. People hear what I have to say, they see my RBF that goes along with it, and they know I am being very serious.

Being a non-smiler gives the impression of being more confident and not to be messed with. That is why my chances to get what I want increase remarkably.

I am convinced that the advantages of an RBF outweigh the disadvantages. Most people feel bad about their RBF, but I don’t. I embrace my bitchy face.

Now, I believe that there are many things going on in the world today to have an RBF about, but such seemingly RBF-provoking affairs are not the actual cause of an RBF. The main thing to be aware of, is that my RBF doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m truly annoyed, angry or constipated. I could be, but it isn’t necessarily the case.

It can be frustrating to live with an RBF when you get a sudden urge to socialize or when you meet new people. People’s brains are fixed on studying other people’s faces for emotional signals, and so even the smallest inconsistencies in my facial expression can give them the wrong idea about me.

Other people don’t see me as angry but assume that I’m unhappy all the time. They tell me that life’s basically fucked up for everyone and that there is no need to make it worse by acting as if I’m in a constant state of existential crisis.

‘Why don’t you smile more?’ they ask. They argue that we are all in the same shitty boat, and we can decide to be happy, or choose to be gloomy. They mean well, but it is quite silly to think that I’m miserable, as my RBF is an involuntary condition. I can’t help it to look like this, albeit that it makes my life a lot easier.

Some would perhaps argue that the term RBF is misogynistic, because of the ‘bitch’ aspect, but I disagree. I have discovered that as many men as women ‘suffer’ from it, and so it is mostly gender neutral. Albeit that older women seem to be a bit more affected by the syndrome than other people.

Come to think of it, I would argue that, in the case of supposed RBF in older women, they generally ARE embittered and angry, and so they give us – real RBF owners – a bad reputation.


© 2017 – David Lee Kollberg

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